Gnome Slave Owner,
We deplore your treatment of gentle woodland
creatures, and your total disregard for the basic
principles of liberty.
Your moral bankruptcy is evidenced by your acts of
wanton recklessness and the deliberate use of coercive
force and terror tactics against gentle and innocent
creatures.
It has come to our attention that a Gnome is being
held captive in your garden. We do not, as a rule,
negotiate with terrorists, however, we request that he
be released immediately. Already your actions have
prompted copycat offenses, which we have witnessed,
including the deplorable use of a Gnome as a hood
ornament.
We understand that you probably were not responsible
for the innocent Gnome's original capture but rather
purchased him from a Gnome slave trafficker like a
garden center or craft show. Please understand that
we are not holding you responsible for the state of
Gnome slavery in America.
We are, however, asking you to put an end to your
involvement. Do the responsible thing; free your
Gnome today.
FreetheGnomes.com has specially trained caseworkers
who will gladly work with you toward the goal of
returning your Gnome to the northern woodlands from
where he came. Please contact us today at
FreeMe@FreeTheGnomes.com.
Although American law currently permits you to keep a
Gnome in slavery, we believe it to be morally
reprehensible. We hope that upon honest reflection,
you will agree.
Stop Oppressive Gardening. Free the Gnomes.
Thank you,
Your Name Here
